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Old as Dirt

How old are you? If you're old as dirt you'll likely find all of these familiar.

"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast
food when you were growing up?"

"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the
food was slow."

"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"

"It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma cooked every day
and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room
table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit
there until I did like it."

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to
suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I
had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I
would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have
handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf
course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later
years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good
only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we
never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds,
and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house
until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that.
It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored
plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and
the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It
was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across
someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front
of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When
I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off,
swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too.
It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our
family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in
the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you
had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already
using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers.
I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of
which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning.
On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite
customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the
change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be
home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the
movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French
kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did
in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want
to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.
Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend:

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he
brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper
with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter
had no idea. She thought they had tried! to make it a salt shaker or
something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board
to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am

How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the
dashboard. Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones
you were told about! Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16 Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19 Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my

Don't forget to pass this along!! Especially to all your really OLD

"Senility Prayer"...God grant me... The senility to forget the people
I never liked The good fortune to run into the ones that I do And the
eyesight to tell the difference." Have a great week!!!!!!

View or Add Comments | Total Comments to date: 1
Posted by Eric Manherz on Jun 18, 04 | 2:55 pm

Here are the comments received so far.

- Interesting material for me to use at an assisted living facility where I volunteer.....Thank you! -
Posted by: steve on Jun 30, 04 | 10:20 pm

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